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Dear Infertile Me

Life has been pretty good for you. You have been blessed with a great family, always made good grades in school, married your high school sweetheart, and got your dream job as a kindergarten teacher. You have been pretty spoiled with getting the things you want in life…..and now you are ready for that next step, a precious baby. You are ready to become a Mommy. Unfortunately things are not going to go your way this time and you are going to hear two of the most horrible words you will ever hear, “unexplained infertility”. Let me tell you, these words are going to shatter you. They are going to weigh so heavily on your heart that you will feel as though you can’t breathe. It will consume your thoughts and you will become so negative inside. You are going to want to shut down and not let anyone in.

Alaina, don’t do that. Don’t be ashamed. Love your body and fight for what you want. The next several months are going to involve so many doctor’s appointments that you can barely keep them straight, so many tests that are extremely painful, and so many shots in your stomach that eventually you don’t even feel them anymore. You are also going to hear so many “No’s” and it is going to cut you to the core because you are praying so hard for a “Yes”. As hard as it is, keep fighting. Don’t stop fighting for your baby because eventually you are going to realize that you are not in control of this fight. God is. God has been in control this entire time. When you finally realize this, there is only one thing left for you to do. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus. Give it to Jesus and watch Him work. Write this verse down and read it daily and when you read it, believe it. “God can do more than you know, far more than you could ever imagine or guess in your wildest dreams.” Ephesians 3:20

Pretty soon you are going to realize that you were never in control of your fertility. Pretty soon you are going to realize that no matter how many shots, tests, doctor’s appointments, or anything you could do would make you pregnant. Pretty soon you are going to realize that until God is ready to give you that baby, it is not going to happen. And that realization is going to be such a relief because you are tired of fighting alone.

And pretty soon you are going to take 6 positive pregnancy tests and realize that God answered your plea for a baby. Pretty soon you are going to hold the most beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed baby boy that you have ever seen in your life and you are going to finally be the Mommy you have always dreamed about. Pretty soon you are going to realize that God’s timing was perfect and that infertility changed your life in such a positive way. You are going to have a testimony for other hurting women who are longing for a baby. You are going to be passionate about sharing your story so that other women won’ t feel alone in their fight, and you are going to love your baby boy so fiercely because you fought so hard to get him. Pretty soon you are going to realize that infertility did not win.

-Alaina